he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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