We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
