The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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