yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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