I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
