i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
