Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
false alarm, still single
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