So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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