you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
