I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
