i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
