Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize