where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
