A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
