Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
