our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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