I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
