We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
