My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
