overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
