His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
