I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
