fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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