thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it's like iHOP with fire
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
