How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
