Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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