youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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