I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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