My room smells like vodka and shame
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
