I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
