that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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