all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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