saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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