omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
