i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?