That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
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I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.