im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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