Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
