Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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