We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
