We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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