I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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