I wannas sexs uuuuu
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hippo gnu deer
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
