My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
