Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
