I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
