idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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