i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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