Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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