she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
