My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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