Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
