there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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