I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
