she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
