I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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