Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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