Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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