I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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