so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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