The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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