what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am naked and annoyed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
