I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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