I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
