I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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