I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How does one acquire holy water?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
