I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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