Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
where are you?
Hypothermia
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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