Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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